Differences of Opinion, Rattled Masculinity & Sakina's Kiss
A few answers to the question: "What's patriarchy, ya?"
It's hard being a woman. You don't really have a lot of people in your corner, not even other women. Patriarchy weakens most bonds of solidarity, eating away relationships like rust eats away at metal. Men, who boast being “liberal”, given a situation, change hues faster than a chameleon, revealing their urge to control and keep the power contained within their hands. This is all the more true for Indian middle-class middle-aged men. In Sakina's Kiss, Vivek Shanbagh gives us an insight into the male psyche through Venkataramana or Venkat.
Hiding under the cloak of care, Venkat tries to police his "rebellious daughter" Rekha; her friends, politics, career choices. We hear him lament how under the sway of "others", she has yanked the reigns out of his hands. Over four days, as Rekha goes missing and unsavoury characters prop up in Venkat's placid life, we see the mask come off. We see a man, whose fragile masculinity is not comfortable with women's agency or choices. A man, who harbours the urge to dominate his wife and daughter, revels in what he calls the "mangalsutra's privilege", and seethes with bitterness when he sees the women slip away from his grasp. Translated into English from Kannada by Srinath Perur, Venkat is relatable to the men in our lives in at least a few ways, especially the details that nag at you later. Do read this one.
In Aatam, Anand Ekarshi's national award winner, we see men deny validity to a survivor's testimony. In the film, at a theatre group's party, the sole woman actor is groped by one of the men. We see how quickly their concern evaporates once an economic incentive rears its head. None of the 12 men bat an eyelid while making the woman go through the trauma again with their questions and actions. What follows is victim blaming, comments over the woman's dressing, drinking and relationship. We never learn who the culprit is because in many ways all the men are culprits. It's a powerful film that makes an impact, showcasing male hypocrisy in all its glory. Especially against the “#Notallmen” tribe, who surface only when women are enraged and making their point.
Of course, real life is worse than fiction. You only have to look at the paper to gauge the scale of abuse and violence against women. That too is only a tiny percentage of the cruelty women have to suffer at all levels - rural, urban, home, workplace, streets, hospitals, literally everywhere. To then have patriarchy dubbed a "leftist jargon" by a woman is bound to leave one seething. Of course, the courts, the governments, the think tanks, the rich, the oligarchs - they are all in it to uphold male privilege. There's a reason The Handmaid's Tale is popular again. Read it if you haven't yet.
Poetry: Differences of Opinion by Wendy Cope
HE TELLS HER
He tells her that the earth is flat—
He knows the facts, and that is that.
In altercations fierce and long
She tries her best to prove him wrong.
But he has learned to argue well.
He calls her arguments unsound
And often asks her not to yell.
She cannot win. He stands his ground.
The planet goes on being round.
Recommended links:
“A newly wed daughter in law is told to wake up at 1 AM, take a bath, then go and fill water every day. She is told, that she will sleep on the carpet when everyone else in the family sleeps on beds. She is told that she will only be given as much food as her husband wants her to eat. She will only eat when her husband permits her. She is not allowed to meet neighbours, talk to her family. She finally kills herself.” Read Dushyant’s post on what amounts to cruelty in the eye of the courts.
“A group of mute people / were talking sign. / When a bomb fell, / they fell silent.” Mostly, as a reader of Forest of Noise, I saw these poems as dispatches from a terrible interregnum, a kind of exile, a prayer or a call made from in between unresolved events. Read Amitava Kumar’s post on reading Mosab Abu Toha’s poems.
Watch Vinay Shukla’s documentary’s on broadcast journalist Ravish Kumar’s life. It showcases the downward spiral of the media industry, political discourse and the country as a whole.
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Everyone has a Mary Oliver favourite or rather a stash of favourites. Her verses speak to you like an old friend, something you can always lean on when life gets too much. We hope to add more of her poems, but for now there’s the Wild Geese print. Order your copy here.